SORRY I do not recall ever hearing told what my first word was. I suspect that I know. Sorry. If it indeed was not the first it has certainly been the most repeated. Sorry. It has taken me an awfully long time to recognize that I have lived most of my life as an apology. There have been countless things that I have been sorry for. That is not the ground of my suffering. What grieved me the most was being sorry for simply being. For not being good enough. For not doing enough. For not being what others wanted me to be. On and on. Sorry, sorry, sorry. There was a time I contemplated renting a billboard with my picture and the word: SORRY. I did

REUNION I wonder what the reunion will be like. I recently learned of the death of one of my childhood friends. I say childhood, though our direct connection lasted into our early twenties. We attended the same church, high school, and for one year, college. We were what I considered quite close. And then life moved on and we lost connection. And now she is gone. I felt waves of deep sadness that she had passed. I experienced a rush of memories of what we had shared. I could hear her unique laugh as if she were right here with me. It led me to move more closely into the sadness. I pondered the fact that in actuality my day to day experience will be no different

FLORIDA POWER AND LIGHT Beyond what the title suggests this musing is not about public utilities, or only for people who live in Florida. This musing is an invitation to anyone who chooses to read and to accept this reminder that we are each here to learn that there is an incredible and Cosmic Power within us all. The conscious usage and direction of this internal Power is why we are here. It is the Only Power that will set us free. It is the misusing of this Power that has locked us in bondage. Mired in amnesia we have turned the Power of heaven into a nightmarish hell. Literally in the blink of an eye we can redirect this Power to turn that hell into a

NOTORIOUS GOOD TROUBLE I am suspecting it is time for me to start a bit of good trouble. It is beyond unsettling for me that in these incredibly troubling times we are also experiencing the loss of two individuals that I consider to be among our greatest American heroes. John Lewis. Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Good trouble. Notorious. I will not go into their incredible accomplishments here. Their contributions could fill volumes. Suffice it to say that they used their talents, intellects, faith, drive, their very lives in serving something greater than themselves. They were relentless public servants. They overcame obstacles and prejudices in order that the overcoming would pave the way and inspire others. They courageously challenged the status quo, risking themselves to uplift others. Through various

PLACES ACT THREE If as if Shakespeare said “all the world is a stage” this is turning out to be one elongated intermission. After six months spent primarily at home due to the pandemic, I have come to the deep-seated recognition that I am entering the third and final act of my life. This recognition fills me with a personal sense of profound curiosity and wonder. I say that I am entering the third act because it truly feels as if this time of distancing is a period of cosmically enforced time out. A time of extended intermission. I feel as if this is a pause between the second and third acts of my life experience. It is not that I am not fully engaged in

DISRUPTION AND DESTINY I am allowing this time of disruption to lead me to a greater destiny. How about you? I have lived through countless disruptions to the individual and collective status quo. They have varied in intensity and in duration. For most of my existence I have at best tolerated these disruptions, awaiting the time when I and we could just get back to normal. Could we please just get back to normal? Though I have lived through countless disruptions there has never been one quite like this. There has never been one with such sustained intensity. Never one that literally involved the entire human race. This has been and continues to be in many ways a great equalizer. We are globally being disrupted and disturbed.

AND LIFE GOES ON Though this is my first experience of one, I am suspecting that pandemics radically change perspective. I know it has mine. In November 1995, the at- the- time love of my life drew his last breath while embraced within my arms. Thus, began an odyssey into conscious grieving that actively continues to this day. As I type these words, I can still hear that final exhalation of breath that carried him back into immortality. I can feel the astounding array of feelings that moved through my body. I can see vividly the light level in the room. The numbers 3:59 displayed on the digital clock. The faint scent of fabric softener on the hospital gown that I had placed upon him just hours

WHEN FRIENDS WERE FRIENDS Though it is becoming more difficult I still remember when friends were friends. I still remember when if something important was happening in a friend’s life they would directly and personally contact me to let me know. Now I am left to find out about all sorts of life events on social media. What used to be personal sharing has become impersonal posting. Deeper truths are tweeted, and reality is revealed in a newsfeed. In a barrage of collective data, the interpersonal is becomes buried. Intimacy, I fear, is stopping scrolling long enough to actually read. Let me be clear: I have done it. I have found myself overwhelmed by the task of sharing important information with a large number of people. It

AN UNLIKELY CANDIDATE I am the most unlikely candidate of all. I could never capture in words the profound inner experience I am having in regard to this pandemic. I feel as if I am being revealed at the deepest level. Every day a new insight arises that knocks me for a loop. And that has been my prayer from the very onset. In mid-March, when America started being directly impacted by Covid-19, I had already been anticipating that something profound was stirring in the collective consciousness. I had been sensing that a grand reckoning was going to unfold at the global level. It seemed clear to me that the way in which humanity had been living and treating our earth and each other was no longer

TMI There truly is such a thing as too much information. In an age of social media I have experienced TMI in ever-increasing frequency. People post things online that they would almost never share in face to face interaction. There is a kind of false bravery that breeds permission to say things that are revelatory yet often hurtful in some fashion. It does, however, reveal parts of people that lie below the physical proximity pretense. I have often suspected that behind the polite smile lurks a shadow awaiting exposure. And social media is the perfect platform for such an unmasking. Too much information. There is another phrase in our vernacular that I find to be stunningly true. “You can’t unsee that.” Put those two perceptions together and