TRUTH TELLING FREEDOM It took me decades to finally be able to tell myself the truth about myself. Ouch. When I finally dared to tell myself the truth about myself the truth did indeed, as sacred writings promise, set me free. It was an incredibly painful experience. It was equally liberating. Though I use the word “was” it is a process that is still occurring, and likely will until I finally lay these sometimes-weary bones down. Every day there is another humiliation. The more I seek to embody the Light the more it shines into my unresolved darkness. Though it is far more comfortable to blame you for my woes, it is always my ability to respond that is at stake. Projections show me what I have

THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS Thoughts of prayer is not enough. Read that again. Thoughts OF prayer is most certainly not enough. From so many directions these days we hear the anger-laced cry that thoughts and prayers are not enough. This is coming from politicians, celebrities, social media, and even clergy. The implication is that rather than think and pray, we must do something. Do something, anything. In an over-masculinized society, the emphasis is always on doing. And perhaps the only thing more impotent in our culture than thought is prayer. I have yet to hear this cry from someone who I felt had really spent any deep and qualitative time in prayer. I would be the first to agree that indeed thought is not enough. The constant mind-spin

TRUTH OR DARE A great source of personal suffering for me has been the innate capacity to know when people are being untruthful.  To be more honest and direct: since the time I was a child, I could always tell when people were lying.  It wasn’t until I was well into my adulthood that two very pertinent perceptions came to me that unlocked the prison door to my suffering around said dishonesty.  First, I always thought that people knew that were being dishonest. I thought they were intentionally telling tales. I came to learn that very often people are coming from a place of unconsciousness and disassociation, thus unaware that what they were communicating simply wasn’t true. This was huge for me. It also deepened my own

HELLO DARKNESS MY OLD FRIEND Hello darkness my old friend.  I have been experiencing rumblings in my gut as of late. Faint wafts of the old “uh-oh” have been arising. A very slight hint of dread. A bit of heaviness in my heart. Some chaos in my mind.  Something good is obviously opening.  Yes, you read that right.  I think most people would read my current symptoms and wonder what is wrong. I feel these activities and ponder what is emerging.  It wasn’t always so.  It has taken a lot of discipline, practice, and prayer to get to the point when I welcome discomfort and darkness as the friends I have learned they are.  Hello darkness my old friend.  Something is dying within me, and that always

REVEREND PERSON I know that I was born to minister. I also know that in many ways I do not have the personality to do so.  I was ordained more than twenty-three years ago and have worked in full-time ministry ever since. That does not make me special. It does not make me more spiritual than anyone else. It certainly does not mean that I am better than anyone else, or perfect in any way.  What it does mean for me is that my very life is a dedication to all things Source. It means that the highest priority of my life is to allow this imperfect self to be used in service of what is truly and always perfect. It means that I am soaking in

PICKING PROBLEMS What if it is not a problem?  This is happening, and I am disturbed.  I am disturbed because I think it should not be happening.  Because I think it should not be happening, and yet it is, I make it into a problem.  Problems disturb me.  It is a problem because my resistance and framing has made it such.  If it is happening, and I choose to allow it to be an opportunity instead of a problem, I am not disturbed.  This is happening, and if I make it a problem, I am disturbed. If I do not make it a problem, I am not disturbed.  So, where is the problem and disturbance?  The out there is not really the variable. The variable is in

HURTING HEART - WITHHOLDING WORDS My heart literally hurts, and it has nothing to do with my recent surgery.  I feel as if this pain is exacerbated by the fact that I have not found a way to aptly articulate the pain in such a way that doesn’t alienate others or inadvertently offend those for whom I am hurting.  Brilliant, caring, contributing men and women are being maligned in ways that I never thought I would see again. These men and women and, yes, even children are being denigrated because they happen to be people of color. Black, brown. Whatever the term you choose to apply there is a poison being exposed and spread and it must be spoken of before it can be healed.  Some of

MORE I have always wanted more.  To say that is most likely not spiritually correct for many readers. And the fact remains: I have always wanted more.  I was directly shamed for that as a child. I would dream of more. Speak of more. Long for more. My authority figures would look down at me literally and metaphorically as they asked, “who do you think you are?” The words were dripping with shame and landed in my solar plexus with a deadening thud.  And so I did my best to suppress this ever-persistent desire for more. When I couldn’t suppress it, I did my best to at least hide it. I eventually came to realize that the more I tried to suppress and hide the inner-more the

PUDDING PROOF I have been on a conscious spiritual path for well over thirty years. I spent my youth in the Evangelical church, and a period of seeming spirit-void bridged those intervening years. All three of these experiences have been vital and even crucial to where I dwell in consciousness today.  I have gathered a lot of information in my lifetime. I love learning. I consider myself a perpetual student. I love ideas and perceptions that pique my curiosity and so expand my awareness. To live is to learn and to grow.  And so, I have accumulated a lot of information in my lifetime. Many facts fill my head. One of those facts is that information does not equate to integration.  I can very easily quote master

SUFFERING AND LOVE Sometimes an impact is so sudden, so unexpected, so jarring, so severe that the automatic closure of the reptilian brain seems somehow to be circumvented.  This has occurred for me only a few times in my life. It has taken two predominant forms: great love, and profound suffering.  I have found that both of those energies are equally as scary. I know that most would argue with the validity of that statement. But in my experience, we humans are as afraid of deep, intimate love as we are uncontrollable, profound suffering. And the two of those are far from unrelated. Deep, intimate love can lead us to uncontrollable, profound suffering, and in fact, often does. Anyone who has loved deeply and lost that love