I did not grow up with a user-friendly God. If you have read my two previous blog posts, you will know I have taken on the impossible task of putting into words what is far beyond words. It is the primary challenge of what I have done for the past thirty years. I use words, concepts, and images to describe the indescribable. I paint word pictures of what ultimately cannot be seen. I try to energetically convey what is essential and yet invisible. As challenging as it is it is also the dynamic that continues to deepen and to open me to a more mature and engaging spiritual life. I am grateful for the challenge regardless of how frustrating it can sometimes feel. It is within and from the Essential that I live and so express. I spend the largest part of my days opening to creative ways in which to share what I find so alluring and transformative. I grew up in a religious home with almost no spirituality. I was taught about an up and out God that had little felt relevance to my actual experience. It was conceptual without being personal. This religion gave me the impression that something or someone was always watching and judging me as less than good enough. I could never measure up. I was told that this super God loved me, yet I was also taught of a cruel and murderous God who savagely tormented “his” creations. I could not reconcile theology with a whispering of something bigger and greater in my heart. I felt as if I were being lied to. That these fear-based fables were far from the truth that I sensed in my heart and throughout creation. I suspected that it was ignorance that was being preached from the pulpit. An ignorance that wasn’t inherently evil but that carried devastating consequences. As I have said before I felt like the God being portrayed had a personality disorder. Confusion filled me as I felt drawn to and yet repelled away from this “God” of the church. The crosses that filled every space were accusatory. I shuttered at every glance. I took it personally, even as a young child. That “old rugged cross” was indeed an emblem of suffering and shame. I did not have a user-friendly God. And so, I again seek to capture with words my experience of going from what I described above to what I live in now. It was not an easy or comfortable journey. It was arduous. It was a rumble. I gave up many times, only to be drawn back into my own internal fray. It was a burning passion that I grew to know as my primary purpose. I discovered I was here to go from the torment of theology to the triumph of a transcendent spirituality. While there remain occasional wafts of the old thought system, I can honestly say that a delivery has occurred. A personal salvation. A quantum leap in consciousness. In simplistic terms: I have grown up. I have grown up experientially from a theological God to a reality I choose to call ALL. That was the topic of my first blog post. From God to ALL has been the most transformative experience of my lifetime. It has been an internal quantum leap that has changed everything. For me there is no God above except that is everywhere present. It is ALL of creation, which includes me. That was the topic of my second blog. To simply those two missives: ALL Is. I Am. I am a living expression of Allness, here to be the All in All. Everything that ALL is, I am. All is my Essence. It is what I am at the deepest level of my being. All is always becoming within and as me. I am evolving up and forward as All. It is my most authentic why. I think of it and feel it as an “All Call.” Why I am is to answer the All Call within me. That is my purpose. And my purpose is empowered by All. And so, once again I seek to capture in words what is so ethereal, contextual, ephemeral and yet is moving within me in very real ways. It is All Power made personal in my inner experience. It is Infinite, and yet intimate. It is “Almighty,” and yet already within my heart as every beat. Every breath. An image that feels vital and alive for me is that I am a personal wave in the Sea of All. Everything that is the Sea is also in the wave. In my fascination with myself as a wave I forget I am part of the Sea. I identify with being a wave. I look at other waves, seeing them as separate as I see myself. I experientially crash into them, losing touch with the Allness that is ever present in every wave. Stormy or still, the Sea will always be the Sea. When this lifetime of being a wave ends I will resolve back into my natural state of “Sea-ness.” Me-ness is in fact Sea-ness. All is. I Am. Sea is. Wave I am. I smile typing these words as I feel a realization that Divine oceanography is for me more valid that most theology. Right now, I have many high waves of experience in my experience. There are moments I admittedly feel pretty seasick. Yet I remain aware that everything that is happening is happening within the Sea of Allness. I remain aware that at my core I am that Allness. I know that my personal sea will calm once again. For me that is an unmistakable reality. It is for me to surf the waves that are ultimately me, finding calm in knowing that I will always be the Sea. I share these images and these meanderings as they are part of what has given me a now “user friendly God.” The fear-based fright inducing theology of the past is just that: the past. While I personally don’t call “God” “God,” I trust you will feel my heart. When I say “user” I trust you will understand that I mean practical, personal, intimate, internal, reliable. I have learned to use the Laws of Allness to co-create a more hospitable atmosphere in which to dwell. Those Laws are not to be feared. They are to be used. I will elaborate on that in a future missive.  While I did not grow up with a user-friendly God I have grown into One. It has taken many trials and many seeming errors. And yet where I reside today is so very worth the effort. And I relish the chance to share my journey with all of you.

Just typing the title words gives me a shame shiver up my spine. The question always came with a glare and a dare.